Just When I Thought...

First of all... Happy New Year!♥

I've been out for over...oh well since I can remember. It's just that lately I've been doing a lot of things that needs my complete focus and attention...namely the board examination, family gatherings, etc. Right now, almost all of it is over, I already passed the boards and the holiday spirit is already dwindling. The only important thing that is bothering me right now is having to find a job. And by a job, I mean THE JOB that I think, would be suitable for me. Just when I thought that passing the board exam was the hardest, finding a job proved to be a lot tougher. Don't get me wrong, I'm job hunting and I have upcoming interviews but I'm torn and I have to let some steam out of my system by blabbing here. 

As we grow old, everything that seemed to be so simple back then become so much more confusing...

I really want to have a work in no time. A work that will give a good pay. One which will challenge me and help me develop more the skills that I learned and  already have but then...there's a BIG BUT in my mind. Honestly, I want to stay as long as I can with my parents. I've been away from them for almost six years having to study in Manila and now I find myself not wanting to leave them again. I know I have a choice of just taking a break from all the stresses of my life and stay with them for a month or two or find a good job and face the reality that I'm now opening a new chapter of my life as a professional. If a choose the latter, won't I be too selfish? And if I choose the former, won't I be cheating myself by half-heartedly entering into a job commitment? This has been bothering me since I started looking for job and always ending up worrying where I will be staying or what job will I be landing on. 

I've been a bum for almost what...one month as of this writing. Being a bum made me a realize that I missed the company of my parents. Just seeing my nephew and niece makes my day a whole lot livelier than being confined in the dormitory for the past years of my life. I know that I'm a newbie in the industry but can I not pick a job that I would actually be satisfied with? I want to work and at the same time be with my family. This Christmas and New Year I haven't wish for anything but a job. Now I realized that I should have added a condition for the job that I wished for. I should've asked for a job that would keep me from being away from my family. I'm not complaining about the blessings that God gave me and all the opportunities that came my way, I just wish I could've been more specific so that when God gave me those blessings it was just the right thing for me.

I wish I can be like a child, where everything seems to uncomplicated...

As I begin to write the new chapter of my life, I find myself in trying situations. Decisions will be made, people will leave, all familiar things will soon fade and new challenges will come. I know that the decisions that I will make will determine my future and I'm afraid to make the wrong ones.  I will have, sooner than expected, to come out of my comfort zone and try to face the tough reality of the professional world. My journey may have not begun yet but I already find myself shivering and confused about the things that I want and those that should matter. As of this moment, I know I have to set my priorities and make out my own goals in my life, I just wish had someone to guide me in moments like this. I know I should be strong, and I don't have anyone to lean on. So I just have to hold on to God and trust in Him because I know that He feels my pain and knows my worries. 

Time check_11:00PM. In an hour, another day will have passed and I'm still as confused as I was since I started writing this entry but right now, I'm much more determined to make more intelligent decisions in my life. As the saying goes, "You can't have everything in life" and so I say, I will make the most out of it!