◘ ephemeral abstract ◘

 

How do you start being okay? Do you smile until your mouth hurts? Do you drag your feet to go to unknown places? Do you write like you know all the words? How can you even start being okay? Maybe tonight I'm gonna learn how to be alone. I'll start brewing my own coffee in the morn The birds would say hello to a lone figure by the window My heart will get used to only my shadow Pavements will get bigger than what it used to.

Gumising ako isang umaga na hindi ko alam saan tutungo. Nagbihis, lumabas, lumakad, papuntsa kung saan sila patungo Hindi namalayang mga mata'y napupuno na ng luha Dahil alam ng puso na gusto na nitong lumaya. Sinubukang itama lahat ng kamaliang nagawa Ngunit hindi batid kung saan nga ba magsisimula. Dahil sa bawat hakbang ay sabay patak ng luha Pusong pagod, malungkot ngunit takot magpalaya. Saya at lungkot, siya ang nagdadala Kung papalayai'y, paano na? Sa bawat pagbangon sa umaga, kanino tataya, Kung ang tanging dahilan ng pagmulat ng mata ay wala na.

I see a bright street light outside my window. Yellow colored bulb to light up the high way. It makes me think about the light which is slowly dimming in my life. What have I done? What have I become? I live in a good house but never in a home. Home is far, far from where I am. They said I was lucky that I am where I am now, but really, was I? Was I lucky to be alone, this far? I seek peace in a place where I ran to find solace. But now, I crave the warmth from the people I call home. Empty as I am, I found my truth; that love can give ruth. To give love, one must know what it meant, because if not, one can't. To let go and trust the process, one must be prepared to be broken. I was whole, and yet here I am, vulnerable, raw and open. Time will tell if I'll ever trust my heart again to someone, to start anew. Because everything changed, the moment I let my heart go askew. To see the light again, and enjoy the rays the sun shines upon me; ...

How do you even start forgetting a person? How do you tell yourself to move on and let go? If you saw yourself with him in the future, how can you possibly teach your heart not to? When he tells you he loves you and yet he couldn't  be with you, what do you do? Can a person truly love you without ever being with you? Can one really live his life knowing he can never be with  the one his heart desires? Or are you the one really foolishly believing all his lies? I can write all the words he told but I can never really truly know his heart.

Paano nga ba magmahal? Paano mo masasabi na totoong nagmahal ka? Paano mo masasabi na kaya mong magmahal? Paano nga kaya magmahal ng totoo? Paano nga ba masaktan? Paano mo masasabi na nasasaktan ka? Paano mo masasabi na kaya mong masaktan? Paano nga kaya masaktan ng totoo? Paano? Isang tanong na pilit kong sinasagot. Sa buhay na tinahak ko, ito na siguro ang pinakamahirap sagutin. Paano nga ba nagiging mali ang isang bagay? Paano nga ba maiitatama ang mga mali? Paano nga ba mawasak? Paano kung ikaw ang nakawasak? Paano nga ba tumayo muli? Paano nga ba makakabangon sa hukay na ako mismo ang gumawa? Paano nga ba susundin ang tama? Paano nga ba? Paano ba? Kailan nga ba makakabangon? Kailan nga ba makakapag-simulang muli?

I sit here waiting for inspiration. Something to keep me from falling apart. Waking days are merely hours spent on doing something that I must, not something that I want. To feel as though everything has suddenly stopped and no longer has meaning. To walk as though my feet are shackled by aimless anxiety and fear. It sucks the life out of me. Breathing becomes shallower, more painful than it already is. Pain shots thru my body, no, it creeps right down to my very soul. I have eyes that can see but no longer holds any sight. I have ears that hear but no longer pretends to listen. Visions, melodies, dreams that I have yet to have, it eludes me. Caged on my own decision, torn by own choices, insanity. To hold on is to put one's happiness on another's life, miserable and unwise. Left behind, leaves turn brown, ashes slowly being swept away. Slowly, everything is turning grey, one by one memories are forgotten. To not know when one will be left rotting, is the most painful of ...

A holding so utterly stark Nothing but the endless dark Rain falls achingly hard Blackens the place like mad A place of melancholy No one ever tries folly Colors and hues, black and blues Leaving no traces, no clues Sadness unknowingly holds Creeping in the bones Disappear without a word Cut by a double-edged sword Feel, breathe, give, ache Long for all those mistakes Cold hard bars, spaces like a harp Digs deep, like a knife, sharp Out and about, one gave up Twists and turns, an unwinnable bout Dreamed of an escape Not one was ever made Time stopped, clock turned Everything, burned.

The constant downpour of the rain inspired me to do something to help me sleep. I was enthused to write a poem/narrative and I never knew that it would turn out like this but anyhow, I still like what I've come up to. Hope you like it too.:) Bars & Lights Ushered in the dark lit pathway, it felt like time stopped  The heavy rain is drowning every ounce of my energy  Looking out at the water-smeared window, I heave a sigh of regret  Regret for the times that should’ve been, moments of could’ve been  The stark coldness of the iron bars leaches on my frail hands  As if giving me a taste of what’s really behind  He should’ve been warm in my embrace  But too late because I chose to stay away  I chose the life that he so utterly despised  The ordinary and meager life he so longed to erase in his mind  I saw the resilient defiance in his eyes  He looked wary and muted for every word that I whispered in...