◘ ephemeral abstract ◘

" A man who has not prepared his children for his own death has failed as a father. Have I ever failed you?"  Never Papa, never. These past few days have been so hard to accept. A few days ago, I was still calling you to check as to when you will  come home from the hospital. I saw you were struggling with the oxygen attached to your nose to help you breathe but I knew you were fighting. Maybe the pain was already too hard to bear, somehow you grew tired. You took a rest and the Lord took all your pain away; my pain on the otherhand, took a great leap.  I was lost, my heart could not believe it. I denied the news until I saw you. You looked like you were sleeping so peacefully; my heart broke into thousand pieces piercing my entire soul. I was never the best daughter to you, I know that. I am almost never home since I left for work. I rarely call to say hello and ask you how your day went. I was never really the expressive type as I was never comfortable with videocalls ever

It's been a long week. So many things have happened, and honestly, I feel so empty. Most days, I feel like I just wanna go back to the time when everything was simple. The time when I didn't need to feel so small about my self. The time when I felt so free. Don't get me wrong, this isn't some pandemic feeling right now, it's this aching feeling that somehow, everything in my life feels so wrong, so useless, so mundane. I've always thought that life was boring, a continuous day and night cycle where people wake up to work, to socialize, to eat and then sleep, repeat until the end. I'm not one to complain on this things 'coz hey, life is a blessing itself. But, how so we even find something to make this life more worth living? Random thoughts nagging my brain this past few weeks are all personal. They have nothing to do with the society itself, but just my personal feelings. I've always been the feeling type, the type to feel everything around me and s