Time

It's been a long week. So many things have happened, and honestly, I feel so empty. Most days, I feel like I just wanna go back to the time when everything was simple. The time when I didn't need to feel so small about my self. The time when I felt so free. Don't get me wrong, this isn't some pandemic feeling right now, it's this aching feeling that somehow, everything in my life feels so wrong, so useless, so mundane.

I've always thought that life was boring, a continuous day and night cycle where people wake up to work, to socialize, to eat and then sleep, repeat until the end. I'm not one to complain on this things 'coz hey, life is a blessing itself. But, how so we even find something to make this life more worth living?

Random thoughts nagging my brain this past few weeks are all personal. They have nothing to do with the society itself, but just my personal feelings. I've always been the feeling type, the type to feel everything around me and somewhat overthink about it. Yes, I'm also an overthinker, about everything.

I'm writing to let some steam out, this maybe a bit personal but what the heck, writing is the only way I let the pressure off my chest. It's just that, nowadays, I question my worth in someone else's life. I always feel as if I have to beg for more time from the very person who promised to give time to me. I feel so selfish for wanting time, and I don't even know if it's worth every pain. That's the only bit I can share.

Sometimes, I wish I would be given more time by the person that I want to spend my everyday with. But in wanting it, I forget that I need to love myself first, that I need to take care of myself first. That asking for someone else's time, no begging, for someone else's time is unhealthy. If we really love someone, isn't it a given that we have to give time for them? Or maybe it's just me.