◘ ephemeral abstract ◘

Nowadays, I feel like I'm not my usual self because of you. I'm trying so hard to not be affected but I'm helpless. Why? Why am I like this? My feelings are starting to get uncontrollable.  I know that you've been hurt before and I know how it feels. I want to take away your pain, your fear and your doubts about life, love and relationships. Maybe you already have a clue about this secret that I'm keeping. Maybe you don't want to accept it or you're just choosing to ignore it. Either way, I know that you don't feel the same way for me and I'm ok with it, no worries. To tell you the truth, I've been trying to ignore my feelings for you for way too long now but I guess I just can't. Is this is what they call love? I guess I'll never know for sure. All I know is that I want you to be happy because you deserve to be.  I hope that everyday I can continue seeing your bright smile and hear your little laugh. I pray that you'll alway

There are moments in my life that I feel just so fucked up. You know, those times that I just hate being me, or more specifically, the person that I've become. Sometimes, I wish I was kinder and nicer, good maybe. It's just that there are things that I really can't control. My temper, my anger, and me hating everything that don't really live up to my standards, makes me feel like a bad person. I just can't understand things. Maybe I'm immature and all but come on, I'm just 23, not even in "quarter life" scene yet. This too, shall pass. Too much emotional hangups that I can't seem to get through. Awake at half past 11 thinking about changing careers and quitting my job and on to what should I do tomorrow at work. Maybe, just maybe, I need someone or something that can take away this mad feeling of being so pressured with my societal need to be approved, to be recognized. My twisted ego and pride. I'm so lost that I don't even know w

Sometimes I wonder how am I as a person. Like how am I as daughter, sister, friend or colleague? I know I must not be affected with the things that people say about me and stuff because those things can’t define who I am but I just can’t help but wonder how I look to them. This crossed my mind due to the recent decisions that I made and those that I am yet to make. Most of the times, I think I'm misunderstood and it pains me. I do like to think that I’m an independent person, that I’m the type who wants to do things that not everyone risks to do. Independence, in my own unique world, is not constantly worrying about keeping in touch with the ones that I love because they know that I’m still there, that I still care and that the people that I love would understand. I’m not the type to shout to the world that I love the people that I love. But the people around me, especially my loved ones, see it as an inconsiderate thing. It’s just that I’m not used to telling people how im