◘ ephemeral abstract ◘

Another year will come to pass and for this, I'm eternally grateful. To be able to live another year is a pretty good milestone already. 2019. The year I was undone and was rebuilt. The year I knew the people who will fight to keep me in their lives and those who'll fall thru when the storm comes. 28 years of existence in this beautiful world full of twists and turns but always, always moving forward and ever changing. For once, at the closing of the year... I'm happy and content. It was indeed a tough year for me, so to speak. I have fought quite a few battles and I'm thankful that I emerged from it victorious, in my own little ways. Let me share  the most memorable ones... 2019 was the year I took a leap of faith in terms of my career. I came in a foreign land for a little over a year but I found myself dissatisfied with what I was doing. I was constantly looking for "something more" in my career, it felt like I was rotting my brain out on the n

Paano ka nga ba maalala? Kapag swerte ka, tatlong beses sa isang taon.  Kung okay ka lang, isang beses. 1 in 365 or 3 in 365. Depende kung paano ka nakilala, minahal o nabuhay. Mga bagay na tumatakbo sa isip ko sa araw na ito.  Una. Birthday mo. Araw kung kailan ka nabuhay sa mundo. Marami ang makakaalala lalo na kung naka-set ito sa Facebook profile mo. Ipapaalala ito sa notification bar ng mga kapamilya, kaibigan, followers, acquaintances at mga estranghero na "huy, birthday nya, batiin mo!" Eto ang buhay sa technology enabled na mundo, kahit sino makakaalala ng birthday mo. Pangalawa. November 1. Syempre, sa lahat ng mga araw, eto siguro yung sure win, lahat maalala ka, syempre, araw mo 'to eh. Pinakaantay ng lahat, dadalaw, iinom, magre-reunion. This is your day, the day that everyone gathers to remember you and everyone else who needs to be remembered. Ito yung araw na nakalaan para sayo, pinaghahandaan ka, inaalala. Iba nung mga oras na andyan ka

Okay, I've recently discovered a very good band called Cigarettes After Sex (@cigarettesaftersex). They are an ambient pop band as Wikipedia would tell.  This band is literally one of the best bands that I've ever listened to lyrics wise. I love how they put rhythm and melody to seemingly ordinary text. When I listen to them, I'm transported to an entirely different world; dark, romantic and desolate memory of a love that was once was and what it will be in one's memory. Their music is the epitome of someone who has been in love once, broken into pieces, but will never regret the love that was once felt. The emotions of all their songs speaks to me as if it was written by someone whom I have known for so long. If you are the kind of person who loves music because you can relate to the lyrics, specially those melancholic ones, then this band won't disappoint. They have a total of five albums/EPs which is on my repeat playlist. I will link out their playl

It's been a while; been a while since I had a courage to accept that I have this vulnerability in me that not everyone will understand. I woke up this morning, and I felt like I didn't want to wake anymore. It's one of those rare days that I contemplate my existence. I asked myself, "If I die today, would anyone notice?" ... totally not. No one would notice I'm gone. I realized that I am this speck of dust in this universe that no one really cares about. My existence doesn't add anything to anyone, well except maybe my parents. I realized that if I'm gone, people would only realize it because it's been a while, but they won't realize it because they care. They will know I'm gone because my work won't be touched for a while and would pile up; or my bills will go unpaid and someone has to look for me to settle them. But no one would notice just because they miss me. And you know what? Maybe it doesn't scare me at all, to be unnoti

Well, it's been a while since I've updated this blog. I've been busy with my new work so I don't have the time to just stop and breathe. To be honest, I've been trying to focus on one thing that I actually think is worth while but i terribly failed. I can't seem to find my space, my time, my energy. Having a new work, I thought, would give me the satisfaction that I need, but I guess not. There's always this vague emptiness that I feel in my life. No matter how long I spend my time with everything that is occupying my life now, I just feel so... how do you say this... lost. I feel like I'm still looking for that "meaning" as some would say, but how do you really find it? I've talked to some of my friends and they too, feel the same way and I feel like this is what they call mid-life crisis. If this is it, then it's hitting me hard on. Enough about that though, as of now, I'm writing this while listening to some good songs