The Moon Shines Bright

Another year will come to pass and for this, I'm eternally grateful. To be able to live another year is a pretty good milestone already.

2019. The year I was undone and was rebuilt. The year I knew the people who will fight to keep me in their lives and those who'll fall thru when the storm comes. 28 years of existence in this beautiful world full of twists and turns but always, always moving forward and ever changing.

For once, at the closing of the year... I'm happy and content. It was indeed a tough year for me, so to speak. I have fought quite a few battles and I'm thankful that I emerged from it victorious, in my own little ways. Let me share  the most memorable ones...

2019 was the year I took a leap of faith in terms of my career. I came in a foreign land for a little over a year but I found myself dissatisfied with what I was doing. I was constantly looking for "something more" in my career, it felt like I was rotting my brain out on the nine-to-five-job that was paying me too much for doing nothing. People told me that it was best if I stayed a little longer on the job I was in, just because I was in a foreign land; but I didn't falter. I applied for jobs and in God's will, I was in a place where I wanted to be. I got hired by Micron, for the 2nd time. Indeed, I was and still so blessed.

The second quarter was one of the worst of my life, I felt like I was going to cease to exist. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, something that I was battling for quite a while already. Every day was a struggle. The person I cared about suddenly left, I felt like no one cared, I was hopeless to the point that I didn't want to wake up anymore... until I did. I struggled to accept the changes that was going on around me, I thought the new job would keep me from falling into it, but it didn't. Then, one day, I woke up and realized that it was only me who would be able to help myself up. September came, and I finally went to therapy. That was the day I promised to myself that I wouldn't give up on myself. That I wouldn’t rely on anyone to make me feel that I am worthy of anything. I picked and dusted myself up. I was ready to face the world, alone. I had doubts but I knew that God has different plans for me and I just have to trust His mercy and grace. I joined SFC ReCon, and indeed, His mercy suffices. He does not abandon a lost sheep, He sought me.

Last quarter. October, my birth month. The month I was on the peak of my realizations in life. I decided that I will travel to heal myself. To give myself a chance to heal, to know myself more, to live to the fullest and most of all, to be happy. I went to Australia to celebrate my 28th birthday. I traveled my heart out and tried to be okay with what life gave me and what it would be offering. It was during this trip that I realized that life, is so much more... that it didn't end with one person leaving or one sad event happening. Life has so much more to offer for all those who seek to live it. A week of beach trips, wine tasting, neighborhood hopping. Life was good. Everything is and will be.

November, something happened that made me a tid bit more hopeful... and I’m not sure if this will lead to something greater but I am happy. I had my first solo travel in Vietnam. It was a bit daunting at first but then I realized, God is always leading me to where I am supposed to be and He is always with me. I took tours, talked to people, visited places, all by myself and hell it was scary but hella lor of fun 💚 It’s during this trip that I realized that I will be okay, alone. I can do things on my own just like how I used to, just like how I always did, back then. And most of all, I am ready, to see life again, in all its glorious hues and plot twists.

They say, when one is taken away, something better will come... and maybe God has prepared me for this, my plot twist. I can genuinely say that now, I am truly happy. I don't know what life will offer on this new journey but I can definitely say that I became a better person. I realized how acceptance, contentment and love can make you be a better person. I ended a chapter of my life to make way for a new one. 

My 28th year, 2019... marks a new beginning for me... one that isn't clear cut but one that I am ready to face, headstrong and with no doubts. The year I fought for love, for closure, for healing, for faith, and especially, for life itself. This is the year where the moon never left me, on my darkest of days, it showed itself to me... though it doesn't have its own light, it shared whatever it had... and that, that is selfless. I love how the moon shines itself not for itself, but for those who need it the most, for those at their darkest; the moon gives life. Amaris Luna, my moon.

arrow, always moving forward. luna, my moon. travel, to heal. and above all, closure 💚
this is my year, of love, of loss, of endings and an eventual beginning... of something greater 🌙

03.12.19