◘ ephemeral abstract ◘

Okay, so I have been introduced to the world of Spotify podcast by my bestfriend/cousin Alma and boy was I hooked haha! I mean this podcast is so chill and very real, 'yung tipong para ka lang nakikinig sa dalawang tropa mong sobrang sabaw minsan haha. Btw, link below is my fave video so far because Pancho and coffee in one haha 😄 At first, I was a bit not so hooked kasi nga I'm more of a music person so yeah, listening to a random conversation was not really something that captured my attention. But on the 2nd episode, I knew I already checked in with this program. Sobrang random kasi ng topics and you know they are both enjoying the show.  I usually listen to it when I'm free and when I'm travelling kasi sometimes when you get so stressed out, you just gotta to listen to all their advises, rants and whatnots and sobrang natatawa ako and I look crazy sometimes, laughing alone but who cares, chill :D And bonus thing is, there's Panchooooo, this cut...

Naniniwala ka ba sa temporary people? 'Yung mga tao na minsan darating sa buhay mo if only for a moment.  You spend time with them, bare your soul to them and then they leave you, slowly fading into existence. Minsan you'll ask yourself, was it always meant to be that way? Na lagi tayong iiwan ng mga taong akala natin laging andyan for us. Ako kasi siguro nasanay na, nasanay nang makatagpo ng taong magiging kaibigan pero bigla na lang mawawala. Tinatanong ko rin naman ang sarili ko on what went wrong. Ako ba ang may kasalanan o sila? O baka naman pareho naming pinili na itapon na lang yung pinagsamahan with all the reasons that we both have but we don't care or bother to share with each other.  Hindi ako magaling makipagkaibigan, 'yun, 'yun siguro yung dahilan.  You would say why the random post about this? Kasi nga I feel like I have so many temporary people in my life right now. People whom I've given so much trust but then in an instant parang ma...

How do you start being okay? Do you smile until your mouth hurts? Do you drag your feet to go to unknown places? Do you write like you know all the words? How can you even start being okay? Maybe tonight I'm gonna learn how to be alone. I'll start brewing my own coffee in the morn The birds would say hello to a lone figure by the window My heart will get used to only my shadow Pavements will get bigger than what it used to.

Gumising ako isang umaga na hindi ko alam saan tutungo. Nagbihis, lumabas, lumakad, papuntsa kung saan sila patungo Hindi namalayang mga mata'y napupuno na ng luha Dahil alam ng puso na gusto na nitong lumaya. Sinubukang itama lahat ng kamaliang nagawa Ngunit hindi batid kung saan nga ba magsisimula. Dahil sa bawat hakbang ay sabay patak ng luha Pusong pagod, malungkot ngunit takot magpalaya. Saya at lungkot, siya ang nagdadala Kung papalayai'y, paano na? Sa bawat pagbangon sa umaga, kanino tataya, Kung ang tanging dahilan ng pagmulat ng mata ay wala na.

I see a bright street light outside my window. Yellow colored bulb to light up the high way. It makes me think about the light which is slowly dimming in my life. What have I done? What have I become? I live in a good house but never in a home. Home is far, far from where I am. They said I was lucky that I am where I am now, but really, was I? Was I lucky to be alone, this far? I seek peace in a place where I ran to find solace. But now, I crave the warmth from the people I call home. Empty as I am, I found my truth; that love can give ruth. To give love, one must know what it meant, because if not, one can't. To let go and trust the process, one must be prepared to be broken. I was whole, and yet here I am, vulnerable, raw and open. Time will tell if I'll ever trust my heart again to someone, to start anew. Because everything changed, the moment I let my heart go askew. To see the light again, and enjoy the rays the sun shines upon me; ...

How do you even start forgetting a person? How do you tell yourself to move on and let go? If you saw yourself with him in the future, how can you possibly teach your heart not to? When he tells you he loves you and yet he couldn't  be with you, what do you do? Can a person truly love you without ever being with you? Can one really live his life knowing he can never be with  the one his heart desires? Or are you the one really foolishly believing all his lies? I can write all the words he told but I can never really truly know his heart.

Paano nga ba magmahal? Paano mo masasabi na totoong nagmahal ka? Paano mo masasabi na kaya mong magmahal? Paano nga kaya magmahal ng totoo? Paano nga ba masaktan? Paano mo masasabi na nasasaktan ka? Paano mo masasabi na kaya mong masaktan? Paano nga kaya masaktan ng totoo? Paano? Isang tanong na pilit kong sinasagot. Sa buhay na tinahak ko, ito na siguro ang pinakamahirap sagutin. Paano nga ba nagiging mali ang isang bagay? Paano nga ba maiitatama ang mga mali? Paano nga ba mawasak? Paano kung ikaw ang nakawasak? Paano nga ba tumayo muli? Paano nga ba makakabangon sa hukay na ako mismo ang gumawa? Paano nga ba susundin ang tama? Paano nga ba? Paano ba? Kailan nga ba makakabangon? Kailan nga ba makakapag-simulang muli?