◘ ephemeral abstract ◘

There are moments in my life that I feel just so fucked up. You know, those times that I just hate being me, or more specifically, the person that I've become. Sometimes, I wish I was kinder and nicer, good maybe. It's just that there are things that I really can't control. My temper, my anger, and me hating everything that don't really live up to my standards, makes me feel like a bad person. I just can't understand things. Maybe I'm immature and all but come on, I'm just 23, not even in "quarter life" scene yet. This too, shall pass. Too much emotional hangups that I can't seem to get through. Awake at half past 11 thinking about changing careers and quitting my job and on to what should I do tomorrow at work. Maybe, just maybe, I need someone or something that can take away this mad feeling of being so pressured with my societal need to be approved, to be recognized. My twisted ego and pride. I'm so lost that I don't even know w...

Sometimes I wonder how am I as a person. Like how am I as daughter, sister, friend or colleague? I know I must not be affected with the things that people say about me and stuff because those things can’t define who I am but I just can’t help but wonder how I look to them. This crossed my mind due to the recent decisions that I made and those that I am yet to make. Most of the times, I think I'm misunderstood and it pains me. I do like to think that I’m an independent person, that I’m the type who wants to do things that not everyone risks to do. Independence, in my own unique world, is not constantly worrying about keeping in touch with the ones that I love because they know that I’m still there, that I still care and that the people that I love would understand. I’m not the type to shout to the world that I love the people that I love. But the people around me, especially my loved ones, see it as an inconsiderate thing. It’s just that I’m not used to telling people how im...

I sit here waiting for inspiration. Something to keep me from falling apart. Waking days are merely hours spent on doing something that I must, not something that I want. To feel as though everything has suddenly stopped and no longer has meaning. To walk as though my feet are shackled by aimless anxiety and fear. It sucks the life out of me. Breathing becomes shallower, more painful than it already is. Pain shots thru my body, no, it creeps right down to my very soul. I have eyes that can see but no longer holds any sight. I have ears that hear but no longer pretends to listen. Visions, melodies, dreams that I have yet to have, it eludes me. Caged on my own decision, torn by own choices, insanity. To hold on is to put one's happiness on another's life, miserable and unwise. Left behind, leaves turn brown, ashes slowly being swept away. Slowly, everything is turning grey, one by one memories are forgotten. To not know when one will be left rotting, is the most painful of ...