unexpected joys...:)

There are so many things that are happening in my life that I'm already at a point wherein any major problem can trigger my mental and emotional break down. Right now, I'm very thankful for having been able to find friends that can enlighten me about the ups and downs of my current situation. It is them that gave me a whole new perspective as to how to go on with my life. I'm a little bit shocked about the things that I've learned about myself and about them as well. Minsan nga talaga mas makikilala mo sarili mo sa point of view ng ibang tao na hindi ka pa masyadong kakilala. Dun mo marerealize na there are certain things na minsan hindi mo makita pero nakikita ng iba and that things are the ones that cause problems that sometimes you cannot correct instantly,like for example, attitude. Kanina lang na-realize ko na 'yung mga tao na dati akala ko is ang taas taas eh yun pa yung mga tao na magpakilala sakin kung sino talaga ako. I mean all my faults and unnecessary kaartehan na kailangan kong bawasan or baguhin for me to be able to cope up with the changes in my life especially now that I'm still a beginner in my chosen field of work. Hindi lang din sa work ang mga natutunan ko from them. I learned that sometimes first impressions may be the stupidest gauge that defines how you'll interact with people. I admit that sometimes sobrang judgmental ko especially to those people na I consider to belong in the upper class. It's just that I consider them to be so out of reach that I feel na when I approach them they won't really talk to me. Pero na-realize ko na talagang najudge ko lang talaga sila na hindi naman pala sila out of reach and in fact so sobrang fun and enjoy nila kasama and andami kong matutunan from them. I admit I have a fear of reaching out to people kase takot ako sa rejection and matagal ako magtrust sa mga tao and maybe that's why I end up being the one who rejects people. Kaya na-amaze ako na I found it easy to open up to these people that I've barely met when I was in college.

These new found friends of mine helped me and I know will always help when I have confidence and personality issues. Sa kanila ko narealize na sobrang andami ko pang hindi nae-experience so its time for me to go out of my comfort zone and too sheltered life. Sheltered life in terms na sobrang okay ang family life ko in terms of bonding and ok din nmn kmi financially. Dito ko lang sa work narealize na "maarte" ako sa mga bagay na minsan hindi ka dapat umaarte and sobrang thankful ako na pinoint-out nila un sakin. Sabi nga nila there's always a room for improvement. I think right now hindi ko naman agad-agad magagawa yung mga advice nila para sa akin but I'll make sure na magawa ko 'yun kasi based naman sa nakikita ko sa kanila (personality wise) they are practicing what they are preaching to me. Kung baga they got over that stage na but as for me I'm still in the process of coping up so naging eye opener sila sa akin. Akala ko kasi dati mature na ako personality wise eh pero nung nagkaproblema ako and nakaexperience ako ng mga bagong bagay na hindi kasama sa normal routine ko parang dun ko naisip na hindi pa pala ako ganun ka-mature as compared to these people. Sila kase kaya na nilang i-handle 'yung mga sarili nila and they already know na may magagawa sila and they are already confident to face the real world kaya nung sumama ako sa kanila na-realize ko na sobrang bata ko pa pala mag-isip, na sobrang hindi ko pa alam kung ano talaga 'yung gusto ko na mangyari sa life ko career wise. I think I need more time and siguro a support group para din malaman ko kung ano talaga ang gusto ko. Sa work, I think I just need to feel that I have a function and mafeel ko ang self-worth ko work wise. Maybe it's still too early to judge whether or not I'm suited for my chosen job pero sabi nga ni Heidy is there is no perfect job and we just have to love we do because in one way or another I'll experience a "misoperation" kaya I will have to learn to deal with it and make it a  channel for growth. Ayun, too much drama na naman pero drama in a learning experience kind of way.