◘ ephemeral abstract ◘

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother thinking about the things that I can't understand. So many things that I can't fathom and yet I'm trying. Pity often times hit me right in the gut and consumes me. Can I be happy and sad all at the same time, all for the same reasons? I look at myself in the mirror and I see an unfamiliar face. Someone whose values and dreams are forgotten and whose world is painted grey. Can life be so cruel that one must be who he is not just to feel alive? Life molds good and evil so closely together that both end up ever so intertwined. Darkness looms all over the place that a tiniest light gleams of so much hope. Forgiveness though seemingly impossible bleeds unceasingly into the calm river. If one can so sure of what the future holds, is it possible to never dream of what is beyond it? Dreams, so easily contained and erased, can come true if we just want it to.

I'm working in the morning for this week. It's been a while and it feels all so familiar. I like the morning breeze more than the night wind. It's makes me go back to those moments when everything was ok, settled. Now, my heart's ina a chaos, trying to decide where it would want to go a year from now. I think it's been a little over a year since I first started to wake up this early trying to go to work, all excited and fired up. Looking back, I was a fresh grad by then, naïve and eager to take on the whole world. Time changed me...it will forever do.

Waking up early feels a bit new to me since my body clock is kind of messed up due to my work schedule. I sleep in the morning and work at night. Yep, pretty messed up sleep. I've been thinking about my current career a lot lately. I mean, yeah I have a stable job and few good friends in the office but will this suffice? Will these things keep me from finding a new career and exploring endless possibilities? I have yet to know since I haven't tried yet but sometimes I often tell myself that maybe I'm just too scared to let go of my comfort zone. I'm scared to take risks and one this days, it'll be the end of me. I was going through some of my notes and I read one quote that says "Opportunity does not come with introduction". I guess this is just a wake up call for me. Giving some things a try may not hurt right? The clock is ticking. Someday, i will have to do it but I hope it won't be too soon...